“Perusing an Italian Dinner Menu” – by Patty Mooney

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Bovine testicles, on Italian market

Bovine testicles, on Italian market (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Be very careful what you order here.

If it says “equino” it’s horse.

What’s the weirdest meat you’ve ever eaten?

Carp in Iraq, a sheep’s eye.

I think I had dog in Korea.

Pretty sure it was dog,

off a street vendor.

Nutria.

What’s nutria?

A big ol’ rat.

We had kangaroo tail in a fine-dining restaurant.

Gamey but tender.

Raw octopus.

I didn’t like it.

It was like chewing on an ear.

Rocky mountain oysters.

Let’s call it what it is.

Bull balls.

I’ve eaten squirrel.

As a kid I used to eat all kinds of weird shit.

I once ate some dead hermit crabs.

A lard sandwich.

A cube of some lard

and a couple of pieces of bread.

I wouldn’t want to be the guy at the table

who didn’t eat it.

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“Cozumel Street Performer” – by Patty Mooney

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In Cozumel this guy played guitar

so I gave him some pesos.

He said No, he wanted dollars.

I said Hey, I didn’t ask you

to come over here and play.

That’s the worst form,

Beggars who are choosers.

Wouldn’t even take his own money.

“Bug Bomb” – by Patty Mooney

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I just had to bomb my apartment for bugs.

Woman in yellow towel

Woman in yellow towel (Photo credit: ElMarto)

A beetle infestation.

Thousands over the last week.

The boss said to disconnect any smoke alarms.

I had to grab a towel

and run through the poison air.

You can’t close your eyes

or you’ll trip over the thing.

I hope the beetles are dead.

The Beatles will never die.